Problems on prescription
- Honestly about the pill use -
 |
| Photos in the cover picture: Agnete Brun | Dagbladet |
Alexander Rybak holds up a finger in the air. Then two.
- One: I can only tell my own story. Mental health is very individual. And two: I have never taken any illegal drugs. Never tried partydop to test boundaries or anything like that. I followed the prescription on the package and of course never thought it would create addiction issues.
 |
| Problems on prescription: - The time from I swallowed the pill until I fell asleep was the best of the day, says Alexander Rybak. Photo: Agnete Brun |
- But there I was wrong.
A few weeks ago, Alexander Rybak told on his Facebook page that he had been living with a secret. For 11 years he had been addicted to sleeping pills. He also told about the consequences, that the pills made him weak and anxious, that they destroyed relationships to people around him - and almost his willingness to live.
- At one point it was all about moving on, but it wasn't easy. And for a while I thought, I can't get away from this. And then there was not so much life left, to put it straight, he says, and stays quiet for a moment.
- But - fortunately, that's history now.
Rybak has invited Magasinet to his home studio - that is to say, the guest room in his apartment at Aker Brygge. A bookcase, a large desk, a Mac and a keyboard. Throughout the corona times, he has also worked from home. For Rybak's part, it has resulted in several new songs, two of which are already out: "My Whole World" and "Give Me Rain". While the first is a hurtful and tearful country ballad, the second is about how to overcome difficulties:
"Despite the troubles in my way / I'm crawling through the dark night / Waiting for my sunshine / All the demons I've faced / They've only made me stronger / Day by day."
 |
| Illustration: Finn Graff |
Well, this is what in the cliché language is called a "settlement with the heavy times". But right now, Rybak appears to be miles from heavy times, talking about his admiration and enthusiasm for the so-called "2-5-1 progression", a formula for making catchy chord strings. Or good pop songs.
- It has been around since Bach, but is still used in practically all popular music. From jazz to techno. Come in, he says, and walks into the living room.
On the fireplace shelf are various trophies, including the crystal microphone he got when he won Eurovision in 2009, and on the dining table a nearly one and a half meter long LEGO model of a "Star Wars" spaceship - composed of 3152 parts.
- Self-therapy, explains Rybak. - While doing this, I make lines of text in my head. I haven't been too good at texts before, and I've wanted to do something about that. But - listen here, he says, sitting down at the piano.
- Do you hear that? How does the middle chord create a tension, which is replaced when you return to the basic chord? It's so simple, yet so brilliant!
Enthusiasm and eagerness are impeccable. The smile is the from-ear-to-ear typ and it sparkles in the big, almost Disney-like eyes. It is quite amazing that this is the same man who just a few months ago thought it was difficult to take the elevator down and go for a walk in the store. Or to go for a stroll. But that's what he did this winter. He went for a journey. Initially only a few hundred meters. Slowly but surely the walks got longer. And as he walked, things happened. Both in his body and in his head.
- I felt better, purely physically. And I made music. Initially, I was very happy when I managed to put four notes one after another. But lately, almost a whole song can pop up during a walk. So it goes better and better, day by day.
 |
| ADVENTUROUS: With "Fairytale" Alexander Rybak brought home the victory of all time in Eurovision in 2009. Photo: NTB Scanpix |
Norway ... twelve points! Norvège ... douze points !! In 2009 Alexander Rybak achieved the biggest victory of all time in the Eurovision Song Contest. No one else had won by landslide in terms of points. His self-composed, folk-music-inspired song about adventurous love went straight to millions of homes - and overnight, Alexander Rybak became an international star. In the time that followed, he soon lost count of how many times he performed and how many countries he visited. He slept more often in hotel beds than at home - to the extent that he hardly slept at all.
- I've always had troubles with sleeping. When I was younger, I could relieve it by getting up and taking some pushups, now that doesn't work anymore, he says.
Alexander Rybak came from Belarus to Norway as a five-year-old, and already as a child he showed great talent for music. And for entertainment. But growing up was not unproblematic.
 |
| OUTDOOR FAN: A young Alexander Rybak on a hike. | Photo: Private |
- I struggle with so-called tics.
- Such sudden involuntary movements or sounds?
- Exactly. I was also very moody and very sensitive. Was pondering and thinking a lot, and took things upon myself. I remember the first news programme I saw, I must have been six or seven years old, and then I barely managed to talk or sleep for several days afterwards.
Both Rybak's parents are musicians and he himself started playing early. First piano, then violin. While the other kids in the neighborhood were out playing, young Alexander was often at home practicing.
He says he suffered from a "good child" syndrome, was very keen to "please" others and to receive rewards.
- Such a reward culture is typically Russian, and I don't know how healthy it is in the long run. But it was me who wanted to, and today I am happy that my parents reminded me to practice.
 |
| Fiddlers: Dad Igor gives Alexander private lessons in violin. | Photo: Private |
Rybak admits that he is still ambitious, his competitive instinct is well above average, and he has always expected efficiency, not least from himself. The first time after the breakthrough in Eurovision, the schedule was pretty full, and when he finished the day's tasks like half past one at night, the plan was to fall asleep a quarter of an hour later and to sleep peacefully through the night. But unless one is blessed to be a solid sleeper, it is not always easy. And then you have to look for other methods.
- I didn't experience it as a problem at first. A pill an hour before bedtime was what it took. And from the time I swallowed the pill until I fell asleep, was the best of the day. Then I was calm. Then I was happy. Then I felt like to live.
- When did you discover that you became addicted?
- It was in 2012, when I participated in the Swedish edition of "Skal vi danse" (Shall we dance), that I discovered how difficult it was to work without pills, he says.
While impressing the people of the brother nation with his skills on the parquet, he participated in another reality show in Ukraine.
- I was going to teach a blogger to sing. So from Monday to Thursday I was there, and then I was in Stockholm for the rest of the week.
- The participants in "Skal vi danse" trained intensely all week, right?
- Yes, and I don't know why I didn't. I am a perfectionist, or... hopefully not now anymore. But I was then. I was also involved in an even more demanding Russian program in 2015, where one should imitate other artists. Then I increased the pill use.
 |
| STRESS ON THE PARKETT: In 2011, Rybak took part in the Swedish version of "Skal vi danse". Here with dance partner Malin Johansson. | Photo: NTB Scanpix |
He says, no, he emphasizes, that it is very different how to react to this type of medication. The same pills that make life better for many others made life difficult - at times unbearable - for him. Not all the time, of course.
- Everything was well and good until the effect lasted, usually around lunchtime the following day. Then came the stress and anxiety. At times I also became aggressive.
- You had a girlfriend at this time, how did it go?
- It went well - for a while. When I got the idea to write a song about writing a song, ie "How You Write a Song", I was still quite frisky. But with the MGP victory in 2018, pill use escalated, along with all the stress. In an attempt to quit sleeping pills, I started taking antidepressants. But things went bad, yes, extremely bad. I became like a zombie. I mixed pills I had received from doctors in Norway, Russia and other countries. More pills and larger doses, he says soberly.
- It may not be so easy to understand, but if someone had taken my sleeping medication from me, I think it would almost feel like someone had taken my baby from me. Or my girlfriend. Everyting I was happy with. It's very hard to understand that what you feel keeps you up is actually pulling you down.
At the end of 2018, Rybak made a drastic decision.
- I broke up with my girlfriend - how she had tolerated me and my problems for so long, I don't understand - and then I broke up with friends and acquaintances.
- Your family too?
- For a while it was also as far as we had contact. I decided I didn't want to talk to anyone until I figured out how to deal with the sleeping pills problem. I refused to settle for my life to be this way forever. I had to find a solution.
It took a while before he did.
 |
| GOOD OUTWARD APPEARANCE: Nothing bad with Rybak's performance at Eurovision in 2018. | Photo: NTB Scanpix |
2019 was the year it was supposed to happen. Alexander Rybak should have got out of the disability. He had to find his old self - and realize an old dream.
"Solid show". "Full thrust," NRK thought. While Fædrelandsvennen threw a six. The family musical "Trolle and the Magic Violin", based on Rybak's children's book, with script and music by the author - who also played the title role - provided sold-out houses and performances in Kilden, Kristiansand's great hall. Rybak, who had been awarded a Hedda Prize for his participation in "Fiddle on the Roof" at Oslo Nye Teater twelve years earlier, was able to tick off yet another achieved career goal: Play the lead role in a self-written musical.
But there was the matter of that success is never free.
- I realized that the goal I had set for 2019 would not be achieved. If I wanted to complete the "Trolle" project, I couldn't stop the pills. It was a big production with a lot of kids, and I didn't want to walk around and be afraid of being furious with someone.
- You mean to lose your mind?
Rybak nods.
- Everyone was very patient with me, even though they saw that I was skeptical of suggestions for changes. I had the spikes out. By the way, it's one of the worst side effects of withdrawal: You think everyone is your enemy. That everyone is out to get you. So I started taking valium. The minimum dose at first, but then I had bad luck and injured my foot during the premiere.
- And then?
 |
| PAINFUL RECOGNITION: It took several years before Alexander Rybak realized that he had become addicted to sleeping pills. Not just to get some sleep, but to work at all. Photo: Agnete Brun |
- Yes, then I took larger doses to get through the performances.
He laughs dryly.
- Well. We got six on the dice then.
Fortunately, the story of Alexander Rybak's pill problem seems to have had a happy ending. It is well known that googling is the worst thing a hypochondriac can do - yes, Rybak thinks he is also struggling with hypochondria - but sometimes web search can actually be a way out of disabilities.
- I came across an article by Rolf Torodd Olafsen, a man who himself has struggled with prescription medications, and then I saw practically the light. I contacted him via Skype and finally realized that if I ever want to get back to some kind of normal state, then I have to drop all the medications. Absolutely everyting. And I did this winter.
- Just like that?
- On the contrary, I dropped Valium on New Year's Eve, but I gradually cut off the sleeping pills. Quitting, of course, requires a lot of effort and discipline, but I have succeeded. That is to say... I had a slight relapse a while ago. I was going on a date and was so excited that I took an Imovane, ie a sleeping pill, to be calm.
- How did it go?
- The date itself went well.
- But how did you react to the sleeping pill?
- Well, the body got hopes kind of: "Oh, you are just kidding! You won't stop taking sleeping pills anyway!" It took about a week for the body to settle down, so fortunately it wasn't quite back to the start again.
"Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic," it says. Do you think this also applies to pills?
- Yes. The little episode related to that date shows it.
- How do you fix life without pills now?
- I've developed routines. I play the piano before I lay down. Like something quiet and romantic, something by Debussy or Rachmaninov, or simply Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata". It makes me sleepy, so I've always made sure to play it during the day. Hehe.
Rybak runs out to the kitchen and comes back with a vitamin drink.
- And then I try to avoid all kinds of stress.
Was it simply stress that was causing the problems?
 |
| LEGO-FAN: Building tough Lego constructions is Rybak's own therapy. He spends his time on creating good lines of text. | Photo: NTB Scanpix |
- Yes. Now I've become better at saying no to things I don't want to do. I probably make less money because of it, but I feel better. I really enjoy being a guest artist, or participating in projects where I am one of several artists, such as the Christmas tour "Stille Natt Hellige Natt". Concerts where I feel I have the responsibility alone make me stress. Stress over time has never been good for me. I've probably always been more a sprinter than a marathon runner.
In May, Rybak turned 34. But doesn't feel any pressure to change his marital status or change his bachelor's life into something else.
- I have no hurry.
Rybak takes a sip of the vitamin drink, shakes his head resolutely and continues:
- Neither raising a family nor getting a partner. Right now I have more than enough trouble with myself. Besides, I don't have a bad time. Look at my mentor Arve Tellefsen, he wasn't exactly a youngster when he became a father for the first time.
- He was in his mid-60s?
- Something like that, yes. And it turned out all right.
- Is there anything career-wise you've regretted?
Rybak first answers "No!", but then he thinks about it.
- It was during a period I struggled with bad economy and was offered eight million krone to join the Ukrainian edition of "The Bachelor". Dimensions are a bit bigger there. 40 million viewers. That I said no at that time, I regretted then.
- You could have ended up with a slender Ukrainian wife?
- Yes. For a week or maybe two, he says dryly. - No, I do not regret anything, though some may think I should.
Rybak tilts his head.
- Can I boast? Ok? Allright, he says, and goes ahead:
- I'm proud to always have gone my own way. When I won the youth music championship, everyone said I had to go classical. But I wanted to experiment with other genres. Then I won "Kjempesjansen" where I performed a jazz song I had written. Then I was strongly advised to go playing jazz. But I wanted to try theater. After I got the Hedda Award for "Fiddler on The Roof", people told me that the theater, yes, that was probably the right place for me. But I wanted to try Melody Grand Prix. It went the way it went, and then the record company people thought that pop was really my thing. Then I went back to classic. Then I wrote a children's book, but despite well-meaning advice, I didn't want to make a sequel to it. Instead, I made a musical based on the book.
He shrugs.
 |
| MY WAY: Alexander Rybak has received many excellent career advice since the beginning, but has always gone his own way. And proud of it. | Photo: Agnete Brun |
- I don't like being put in a box. And then there's something about authorities... I'm not very happy to be told what I should do.
- Is that why you are no longer affiliated with a major record company?
- I have great respect for the big Norwegian record companies, they are good at taking care of their artists, but it assumes that the artists do not suddenly need a week's timeout due to stress. As a so-called "independent", I release songs when I feel like it. It is not as easy to get attention about what I do, but it is still worth it.
He thinks for a moment.
- I have a lot of discipline in me, I've always practiced every day, but for a while I didn't understand why. When it was at its worst with the pills, I experienced that there was only noise coming out of the violin. But in the last six months I have started to like music again. Yes, start to feel music again, he says, nodding slowly.
- And that, yes, it's just amazing!
***
I am very grateful to Eirik Alver from Dagbladet who wanted to write a nuanced and nice summary of my past years when everything started to go wrong, and I will be very happy if you buy the Magazine today.
Thank you also to Agnete Brun who managed to portray all the nuances of life in one picture!
And last but not least, thank you to all the CHILDREN who continue to listen to my songs and read about Trolle and watch my YouTube videos. Sorry for having to greet zombie Alex with hand on the stomach as you were getting a selfie and autograph. I am touched that you are still watching, you are my greatest inspiration.
This post was written to all my Norwegian friends who have supported me through the weirdest times, but of course I would not find the strength to come back if it is for the best fans around the world.
Thank you also to Agnete Brun who managed to portray all the nuances of life in one picture!
And last but not least, thank you to all the CHILDREN who continue to listen to my songs and read about Trolle and watch my YouTube videos. Sorry for having to greet zombie Alex with hand on the stomach as you were getting a selfie and autograph. I am touched that you are still watching, you are my greatest inspiration.
This post was written to all my Norwegian friends who have supported me through the weirdest times, but of course I would not find the strength to come back if it is for the best fans around the world.
Thanks to you, my way. #psychic health # friendship #mentalhealth #love"
(Translated by Mónika Menyhért who is not native either in the Norwegian or in the English language, so any correction is welcomed and appreciated.)
Nincsenek megjegyzések:
Megjegyzés küldése